A.Visionary

...huh.

recent things have happened in my life to question if i am doing the right thing for myself.
i am so sick of factory work, i need to go to school and get an education, it's a possibility if the "baby momma" would ever hold true to her word one of these days.
also, kim asked me to get out again, she's been really nice and very good to me lately and i didnt understand that...but then i thought and talked about it some more w/ her and natasha, and i guess she has unfinished buisness w/ scott, the ex-boyfriend that's not reliable i've heard. at least i have alot of things going for me that that man hasnt, oh and the fact that for the past 2 years i've been kim's constant. thats a big deal.
this man has no job, no place to live, and is on probabtion. i cannot believe kimberly could ever be tempted by a man like that. specialy w/ his track record of cheating/abusing and treating everyone around kimberly like shit. i hope kimberly reevaluates somethings.
for 1 i am trying to better myself for her, and only her.
for 2 i have never done anything to hurt her emotionally(w/o justicication i.e. arguments where shit comes out of both our mouths that we regret.) or physiclly.
all i want in a relationship is to be treated like an equal. the past weeks have been heaven and i thank her for being this way.
and now w/ this going on i'm left to wonder why isnt kimberly secure enough in our relationship that she can tell scott to go fuck himself?
now i am kind of a jealous man. but i need to know where we stand. i cannot play games. i love kimberly w/ all my heart but these games need to stop. i want to be w/ you and only you.
i cannot let jealousy cloud my judgement on this, if she is going to leave me for this type of person...what kind of person am i? i'd like to think a better one..but maybe not?
who knows.
but kimberly is a strong willed individual and will do what she pleases.
and i respect that about her. and i want her to be happy w/ her life. more importanlty than my hppiness is her's because she is my rock, w/o her i dont know what i'd do..as sad as that is it's true. i rely on her for support as she does me i'm sure. it's a relationship it has it's times. like everyones. no one is perfect. i strive to be a perfect man for kimberly sure, but will i ever be it?
who knows!
but why now. why does scott try and contact her now? she was doing so good. i do not want her dragged down into his world again. she is too smart and important to have to drag someone around like that, like she said.....he has no future, and would just be home smoking the pot and cigs she bought sitting on the couch. because he cannot get a job. that is a sad future.



please kimberly, just tell scott "bye, we had our time and now it's over."
you have nothing to gain from him....that i know of.
let me be your past.present.future.
i am not an evil person, i am a person trying to be happy w/ my life, and trying to fix all my own mental problems and my demons haunt me alot too, but for 2 years now you've helped me out greatly. and i appreciate that. i do not want to loose you to some ex of yours looking for away out of his "miserably" life. you do not deserve that. you are no one's stepping stone into the "good" life.
do not let yourself be dragged down by your past demons. i did and it's effecting me badly now and i want to get over them. but the cunt wont go through w/ her word..175..duh. i can front 25 of that. stupid bitch. god i hate her!
anyhow.kimberly sue, i love you. i hope if you read all of this you'll feel the same w/ me too. and that you can go back to the nice/friendly/outgoing you that we all love.
btw scott cannot call at 2a.m. anymore. not cool. people sleep

good night.

posted by Bergen @ 1:40 AM