[side note]
what is up with my text?
some of my posts text's are huge! and i do not do that on purpose either, i try to change them back into the "normal" font size/font and it doesnt change, i wish i understood this stuff a little better, maybe kimberly could fix those posts with the unusually large fonts...?
no clue.
sorry just explaining to you that i am not doing it on purpose.
Another Idea.
She never sleeps at night she's quiet but she dreams.
Her mind is racing, she plans, she plots, she schemes.
Another idea.
She takes apart the past and re-writes all her lines.
She's tried to win him back a hundred different times,
She's got another idea.
She keeps waiting, hoping he'll come back some day,
She'll leave me, until she does I can say.
Wait, please don't go,
I've got another idea.
No fun to be the one that love is practiced on,
Why should I leave her she wouldn't know I've gone
I've got another idea...
[sorry frustrated about this guy that keeps calling her, when people keep bugging me i don't want around, i tell them straight out, "leave me alone, i do not wish to talk to you anymore." that is not so difficult unless you are holding onto something with this someone. there, cleared my mind.]
]so i was listening to musik[
& i was listening to a new genre of musik to me as well, and honestly i do like this song, not becos it is kim's favourite one, but listen to the lyrics & it's good...*gasp*. it's always good to vary your musikal choices, right? anyhow i thought i'd post some of the lyrics that struck a cord w/ me... it's [Coldplay - The Scientist] Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry You don’t know how lovely you are I had to find you, tell you I need you Tell you I set you apart Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions Oh lets go back to the start Nobody said it was easy Oh it’s such a shame for us to part Nobody said it was easy No one ever said that it would be this hard Oh take me back to the start I was just guessing at numbers and figures Pulling your puzzles apart Questions of science, science and progress Do not speak as loud as my heart Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
[WTF?]
Here's an Ode, to deodorant
It's my thing, ah it's my favourite hygiene
It keeps me through the day
Another ode, to deodorant
It's my thing, it's my favourite hygiene
It's the confidence I need
It's medicine for the soul
It's medicine for the mind
It picks me up and makes me whole
It makes me feel alright
Here's an Ode, to aerosol
It's okay Oh, would I ever let you down? No
would I ever let you down, okay?
would I ever let you down, no way
[none tittled]
There was an earthquake.
In her dreams so she thinks her.
Foundation is crumbling away.
Fault lines in her words.
Hoping to show her so disturbed that.
Has shaped her to what she is today.
She tells me things that were not her fault.
And her surface starts to break.
Breakdown a hurting sound.
I want to tell her that it's ok now.
But I'm not too sure just what to say.
All she wants is some breathing room.
If not tomorrow surely one day soon.
Excuse me did she say.
She wished she went away.
And not return to the shame.
Brought to her those days.
We'll take man's dirty deeds.
And suck them out like cosmic beings.
Into the sun hoping.
They'll be happy burning.
But life is not T.V.
Her hard parts I'm cradling.
I feel refreshed when I watch her sleep.
Sometimes it's all I need.
It's all about the company we keep.
-----------------------------------
when you thought that it was over
you could feel it all around
and everybody's out to get you
don't you let it drag you down
cos if you ever feel neglected
if you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons
hoping everything's not lost
----------------------------
eh?
last time i was at the mall, the security officer took me into the bathroom and told me "this is how you're not suppose to touch people."
yeah...i don't need your pity either.
falling away from you always seems to tragic in my mind.
but pain has never been so brilliant.
there are many things i want to tell you.
many things i need to tell you.
but you won't hear me out.
are you deaf to my cause?
do you only want me for what i have, are my resources good enough for you?
but i am not?
i feel like a hamster running in a wheel.
going nowhere, nowhere fast, nowhere at all.
i do not want this kind of life, i only want to be happy...why is that so hard for you to understand?
i cannot be happy by myself, i cannot be happy with anything...perhaps you are right i am wrong to be so pathetic, perhaps you are right i can do better, but at the end of the day i don't want to, i know you've done wrong, and i'm sure you realize it as well.
i know you better than anyone has...i know your ins & outs. what you like and dislike, and i cannot get someone that has been a major part of my life for 2 years out of my head just like that...
i do not want to live like this, going from day to day, wondering what is going to trip someone off, what is going to make someone hate me so much they pit everyone against me!
i do NOT deserve that treatment..
all i am to you is a car, money & thats it. i am human i do not want to be put back on the shelf used up & emotionless.
my emotions where beaten from me, i am trying to reclaim them, all i know is heartbrokeness & pain...maybe thats why i cant be happy w/ anything..maybe.
now that i have poured my heart out for you you know how i feel, you will more than likely do nothing. simply cos you don't truly care about me unless you want something, and that is sad.
i'm sorry kimberly, but i am a human being, not an object to manipulate.
i hate you, but sadly enough i do still love you, why? why i dont know...why does it matter..cos in the end...nothing seems to matter to you. not me, not natasha. not anyone that tries to help you.
now watch after this post...i get shit on even more. cos my feeling are out in the open..and that leaves me open for manipulation and shit...but it's ok, it's okay...i'll survive...i hope...good-bye.
...huh.
wow, one day one thing, the next day a completely new thing, wtf?!
i'd think when someone cheats on someone that'd appologize for it and such, this shit is so stupid.
and pointless, the otherday she wanted to reconsile & work things out today she hates me?
oh boy.
i do not want to deal with thie confusing shit. she kisses me and such..but we're not dating or are we friends? shit needs to be CLEAR....
if i am such a bad person that i'd drive someone to cheating on me, what does that make the person that actually did the cheating?
?? there is a good word for it...but having another man's fucking penis inside of your vagina is fucking low. i have never been cheated on till now. it doesnt feel good....and there is no way she knows how it feels. if she does she doesnt care or even have feelings. wtf.
..oh boy.the next 6 month'll be fun!
Right.
girl i dont need you.
but you need me.
i found you.
you didnt find me.
get your shit together.
then find me.
pick it up now.
Sweet Gloryness..
have you ever wondered who some people have slept with? i have at times. but then i realize it'd just piss me off. i think people need to just be honest about who they've been with....things have been getting weird.
i think people cheating on someone is the worst thing ever, if you cheat just be honest.
STOP LYING FOR GOD'S SAKE PEOPLE!
thats all. goodbye.
aye...
what am i talking about??
so stupid.
anyhow good weekend had fun w/ chad on his birthday getting drunk, i had fun at least & now i can stop drinking for awhile *gasp* self control!
anyhow, uv blue & 7up is a really good combo, never thought of it. but seriously ever want to drink drink that, taste really good, good weekend, had fun w/ my friend(s). now i'm back in madison having to go to work, which isnt so bad i guess but some bullshit just isnt settling right....oh well what can i do about it? some stuff but not right yet.
and also, self confidence is a good thing. i had to demonstrait it to chad cos he thinks he's ugly and wont talk to girls. i went out & got 3-4 numbers, on good looking girls(might of been the alchy in me seeing that) but maybe not? who knows. i have tons more confidence in myself now that i know what i am able to get....thinking back i never once dated any ugo's, so why did i think i was so ugly for a time? i think it was cos i was being called unattractive & stupid all the time.might have something to do w/ it. anyhow nothing new other than stuff......maybe i should just become a drunk to drown out the rest of my life? naw never that bad that i must use some form of anything to make my life seem better for fractions of tha time..haha..word.
that is so not ugly (haha) v
seriously...
i hate being strung along and played for a fool. (i.e. "i'm going to sign them away i promise!" & my fiance wants to adopt her!") yeah right. so begins another chapter of this crap. but this time i am 100% serious. shit will go down & only 1 person will be happy w/ the outcome....that'd be me most likely. i gave her more than enough time. it's been 2-3 months now of this off and on bullshit..i am not stupid, I AM DONE PLAYING HERE.
onto further news, Kimberly & i are dating again,( remember baby steps).
and my job is going splendid, tomorrow i start forklift training, finally they said it was only going to be a day that i was going to do what i'm doing now...oh well Nazi boot camps rocks!(menards)
shit son, my life is so swell right now. minus the bitchshit but hey! fuck'er she'll see how truly dead serious i am in 2 weeks
*Wo0T!*
today was good, i went to mistymountain on foot. only took me 15-20 minutes though..thought it would take longer..so i ended up sitting around for...30 minutes. oh well. had fun, got to do what i like. plus excersice.
aaaaaaaaaaaand. kimberly & i went to eat @ TB, all i've eaten today besides a tuna sandwich..it's good to cut back. and i'm so happy we got to get close today, which i feel is a step in the right direction. i mean we're both happy where we are at the moment...i like to share my happiness though....she knows i'm willing to help anyway possible too i.e. money. what have you.
menards is suppose to call later today..i hope i got the job.
be nice to get out of the factory setting and into something else for a change of pace. right? right.
anyhow..today was excellent. i hope to have more days that just go smoothly and i cannot complain about a single damn thing.
oh btw me and kimberly arent arguing anymore. i know strange right? wrong. it's normal, when two people are on the same page about goals/ideas, they normally get along. i feel as if in the future we can make a relationship work, i seriously do. up to her too though. aaaaaaaand i dunno. i'm looking forward to the future possibilties of us, we're a good team.
well had to share my good day to y'all. peace.
today...
just like any other day...except
i might of been hired at menards*gasp* pending drug test. which is clear. so thats good. worked 51 hours this week. i hope for a decent size paycheck for once. (damn cs)
i hope she gets the ball going on having her husband type-thing take it off my hands. that's be cool.
either way the rights need to go.
furthermore..why do my roomates think i'm ghey all of a sudden? strange...just because i just got out of a relationship w/ someone makes me ghey? no not really...
CLOSE THE DOOR!
hmm. tom's pregnant lady friend is smoking weed..thats healthy!
some people need help....
i.e. people that need drugs to make their lives seem better and exciting. so fucked up that people need to rely on them to make their own lives a certain way....someday peope might realize maybe if they stop...straighten their act up..evaluate themselves & see what the main root of the problem is...there wont be one *gasp!*
(lecture of the day...dont do crack...)
another group..the people that hold onto the past...i.e. looking up old friends/ex's/school buddies et all, those people are what i like to call "wontletgoers", these people usually cant let go of the past becuase it's all they might have, or want to have. because they remember a time when everything was rainbows and sausages(heaven). but as we grow up..people tend to grow apart from one another. not always. but mostly. from my past all i hold onto is...not wanting to Childs Support. i have no ways of getting around it though, not yet at least. soon as far as i know. she's signing my rights away(YES!!!!!!!!!!!)..all in all....lets all sing a camp fire song, & get along...in perfect harmony...because although i complain about these certain groups of people. the world wouldnt be as deverse w/o them....but then again..might be less dramaful?
who knows?
i'm glad i got that off my chest. btw. my tricepts are coming along nicely..i may say so myself..and i guess i must..no one'll touch me right now *tear* haha...i'll get better....i have no limitations.....all i can do from here on out is grow.
word .
metaphorically speaking
my life is a big ball of shit..i need to churn it. and turn it into compost..so i can watch is grow.....
oh yeah...
i suck so much, i think i'm going to get a job tomorrow...@ Menards..that'll be fun...i hope i meet some intresting people. right now i'm surrounded by not so intresting ones. sucks.but what can i do?
to reach my full potential i need to be around like minded people. that share same views on religion/politics/et all so we can really sit down and discuss shit.
sidenote: friendship plan w/ kimberly..big hit...we can rediscover ourselves..and maybe get to know eachother better....instead of diving head long into a relationship again..take it slow. got 6-7 months.
also, i want my own dog...
& my snake died...not cool.
ok ok ok....i am so looking forward to having a day off to spend w/ my friends...that'd be the bombdigity....
i love you all...(minus some people)
where...
...are all the good, decent women at?
i tell you what. you need to start wearing bright hats & clothing so people can spot you...
cos it is seriously hard to find one...i can try. but damnit sometimes a guy needs some help. i.e. the brightly coloured clothing.
hmm..enough said, i hope chad moves in..i love him, he's my best friend(2nd to kimberly)...if that makes sense?
no..maybe not..oh well.nothing in life has to make sense.
word.
(needs a new catch phrase)
gornowich out.
nooooooooooo, not american idol here..crap..i'll work on it!
too soon.
i spoke too soon i guess.
i hope the space will make both of us better people, i wish i knew what i coudl say to let me hold her in my arms..but i dont. welcome to the real world bergen. not a movie script.
anyhow, today at work i was thinking about the meaning of life...and then it hit me..there is no meaning of life. we're all just a group of glorified species that because we have a higher brain power has to make things more complicated by thinking about the meaning of life...
i think personally it's to be happy. nothing more nothing else....but what is happy? no idea...hope so know sooner or later, i'm most happy when i open a fresh pack of yu-gi-oh cards....dont know why..and also when my shift is done and i can come home and see zeus, and kimberly.(?)
yeah yeah..i hope to get to know her better as a friend though...we rushed into this relationship so quickly...why i think it went sour..even after 2 years...rush into things kids. you'll kill yourself in the end...word of advice.
new year cleaning.
deleted alot of my old pointless posts about when kimberly and i broke up. now it's better w/ me and her, minus the last episode w/ her kicking me out..she took me back though...that needs to stop. i am seriously trying for her. she's a hard woman to please. but for the past 2 years i've been there....you can say i am the constant if you'd like, but i'd rather be called the loving boyfriend.
damn it's early..i cannot sleep tonight for some reason...i could go try, i hope zeus'll cuddle up to me again tonight..he's such a crotch dweller though...and a lil furnace....that dog is something else.....i love him. he's such a ham for the camera too!
~~~>
as of right now
time marches on
another year has passed
my life is now longer
whats left is now shorter
as much as i think im significant
i realize im unimportant
and what do i have?
hmm..riddle me this.
random thoughts rumbling...
through my head...
i have tried a million times & over understanding is apparently not your forte. i am trying because i believe you will see the light one day or because i am just too damn stubborn to admit defeat?
you are blind to so many sides of me. you are blinde to so many sides of them.you are blinded by many sides of you.you are your own enemy, my nemesis.
even my haven is not safe anymore. it is tainted with your enemy nothing should ever be this difficult. you have succumbed to HIM.
i hate you. i love you even more.
New Year's Resolution
i have a couple actually..i hope i can do them:
make kim happy.
and these too.
1. get a better job!
2. no more fast food.
3.stop being jealous of kim talking to her ex's, i talk to mine..(but in a diffrent sense i suppose.)
4.be a better person.
5. once i am a better person, make is so kimberly wants to stay w/ me. and is happy with what i am.
6. get some damn self esteem, iam a funny,charming guy use that to my advantage.
7. loose 15-20 lbs.(see number 2)
8.maintain myself in a professional manner, looks,clothing, et all(see number 1 &4)
9. go to school. get more education(see number 1, thats why.)
10. do everything i have set out to do on this list.
now i know people never do these, but hell i have enough will power to actually do them, i wonder what kimberly's are? i hope she can do hers too, same w/ tom and natasha..if t hey made any? no idea, oh well, time to go to bed, work tomorrow, yippee!
word.
